A Difficult Decision

Hello all of my readers and followers. I haven’t written a post in a couple of months now, which saddens me, but life has been busy in a lovely way, which fills my heart with joy. I’m working full time in a job I love! With people that are great! It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this place and I’m just enjoying it all.

I’ve been through a lot of change and growth since I moved to Vancouver in August of 2011. Almost 6 years now! Every bit of it has been worth it. Every difficult, challenging experience; every happy time with friends and family; it’s all been worth it. I have learned and grown so much and never could have predicted this is how my life would be. A lot of my growth has been recorded for you and others to see/read here on my blog. I have loved sharing it all with you.

I still love to share my experiences and educate myself and others. I will never stop learning and growing. I truly believe that is what we are all here to do. Finding new ways to share my skills as a nutritionist and hypnotist is also exciting. Being able to do that in a way that is truly me, is even better!

I had planned on a series of blogs about eye health, as that’s where my energy is focused right now, and yet it wasn’t happening. I would plan and research and save materials for the topic but my heart wasn’t there to inspire me to write them. I know myself well enough to listen to my heart. To listen to my gut.

After a couple of weeks of deep thought and evaluating, I’ve made the decision to discontinue writing my blog. At least for the foreseeable future.  It’s been over 4 years and I’ve loved every blog I’ve written! I write that with the utmost sincerity; but it’s time to move on. Do something different, even though I don’t know what that is…yet. 🙂

I wish all of you the best and hope you all experience and grow the way you were meant to, this time around. Be open to opportunity, to change, to life! Learn, grow, feel, live in the moment, and remember to be kind. It costs us nothing and yet can have so much impact on others.

~Namaste~

 

“16 Uncomfortable Feelings…” my take on a recent blog.

You may have seen that title recently flashing across your screen on social media sites or if you follow any blogs as it’s currently very popular, and there’s a reason for that. Maybe more than one reason. It’s a timely article for right now when most of us are looking to make changes. Changes that will help us grow as people and in our life goals and desires. I think that it is resonating with a great many people and people want to share what touches them. It’s also great because a lot of us also tend to give up or think we’re failing when change feels hard and uncomfortable, when really, as this article points out, this is actually a sign we’re on the right track. So let go, and flow with the uncomfortableness that the changes you’re making brings!

The writer of this article is Brianna Wiest. She writes on a blog called thought catalog. Her writing of the article that is the title of my blog can be found here: 16 Uncomfortable Feelings…, but I’m posting it in its entirety on my blog, so this will be a long post, but I really feel this article is relevant and inspiring. I’ll add a thought or comment relating to my own journey in italics at the end of each numbered paragraph.

1. Feeling as though you are reliving your childhood struggles. You find that you’re seeing issues you struggled with as a kid reappear in your adult life, and while on the surface this may seem like a matter of not having overcome them, it really means you are becoming conscious of why you think and feel, so you can change it. It was through re-looking at my childhood that I was able to make the changes I’ve made. It was worth every difficult moment.

2. Feeling “lost,” or directionless. Feeling lost is actually a sign you’re becoming more present in your life – you’re living less within the narratives and ideas that you premeditated, and more in the moment at hand. Until you’re used to this, it will feel as though you’re off track (you aren’t). There were definitely times I felt lost and overwhelmed and I’m sure there will be times in the future I feel that way again because I believe life is about changing and growing throughout my life. I won’t stop until I’m in the ground. 

3. “Left brain” fogginess. When you’re utilizing the right hemisphere more often (you’re becoming more intuitive, you’re dealing with emotions, you’re creating) sometimes it can seem as though “left brain” functions leave you feeling fuzzy. Things like focusing, organizing, remembering small details suddenly become difficult. There were days (successive days) where I felt very disorganized and had no energy/focus to do anything but let my subconscious brain process all that was going on. For the most part I was ok with this and made sure to take care of myself and be kind and gentle with myself. 

4. Having random influxes of irrational anger or sadness that intensify until you can’t ignore them anymore. When emotions erupt it’s usually because they’re “coming up” to be recognized, and our job is to learn to stop grappling with them or resisting them, and to simply become fully conscious of them (after that, we control them, not the opposite way around). This can be a difficult one for someone like me who doesn’t like anger or sadness. I’ve learned to go with them (for the most part – still some growth to happen here *smiles*). I’ve learned and am still learning how to express them productively, safely and without resistance. 

5. Experiencing unpredictable and scattered sleeping patterns. You’ll need to sleep a lot more or a lot less, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night because you can’t stop thinking about something, you find yourself full of energy or completely exhausted, and with little in-between. I definitely needed more sleep. During really intense times of processing I was napping every day and still sleeping 8 hrs per night. I was also dreaming a LOT, another way your subconscious processes and accepts change. 

6. A life-changing event is taking place, or just has. You suddenly having to move, getting divorced, losing a job, having a car break down, etc. I moved here from Ontario in August of 2011, left all my family behind, went back to school to start a new career and by March of 2012 I was feeling things coming forth, uncomfortable things, things that I knew I had to address and do the work necessary to grow within. I chose hypnosis as my vehicle to change as I knew that a) the change had to happen on the subconscious level to be permanent and b) the desire or need for that change was coming from my subconscious. 

7. Having an intense need to be alone. You’re suddenly disenchanted with the idea of spending every weekend out socializing, and other people’s problems are draining you more than they are intriguing you. This means you’re re-calibrating. I spent most of my time alone. Sometimes I wasn’t actually comfortable with that but I recognized that it was necessary for the shift to happen. I still had a social life but it was curtailed compared to what it is now. 

8. Intense, vivid dreaming that you almost always remember in detail. If dreams are how your subconscious mind communicates with you (or projects an image of your experience) then yours is definitely trying to say something. You’re having dreams at an intensity that you’ve never experienced before. I had the most amazing dreams, great fantastically detailed dreams that I either flowed in and out of all night long or had several different dreams each night. I am a Lucid dreamer and always have been, but holy cow did it ever ramp up when I was doing the most intense work.

9. Downsizing your friend group; feeling more and more uncomfortable around negative people. The thing about negative people is that they rarely realize they are negative, and because you feel uncomfortable saying anything (and you’re even more uncomfortable keeping that in your life) you’re ghosting a bit on old friends. I definitely shrunk my social circle. I have about 5 very close friends that I socialize with regularly. They are all positive, supportive people who also continue to grow and change.

10. Feeling like the dreams you had for your life are collapsing. What you do not realize at this moment is that it is making way for a reality better than you could have thought of, one that’s more aligned with who you are, not who you thought you would be. This can be another difficult feeling to handle. No one wants to feel their dreams about their life are collapsing. I have come to realize though that when one door closes it is most often because a better door is opening for me. 

11. Feeling as though your worst enemy are your thoughts. You’re beginning to realize that your thoughts do create your experience, and it’s often not until we’re pushed to our wit’s end that we even try to take control of them – and that’s when we realize that we were in control all along. As I processed all the stuff that came up that I needed to deal with, it was sometimes hard to keep a positive attitude but through that process I have learned just how much I can control, shape and create my own thoughts and thus control, shape and create my reality, my experiences, my life. 

12. Feeling unsure of who you really are. Your past illusions about who you ‘should’ be are dissolving. You feel unsure because it is uncertain! You’re in the process of evolving, and we don’t become uncertain when we change for the worse (we become angry and closed off). In other words: if what you’re experiencing is insecurity or uncertainty, it’s usually going to lead to something better. Boy did I feel unsure of who I was. I felt at times like I was someone totally different, someone I didn’t recognize, but gradually the real, authentic me was released from all those past illusions and man-oh-man do I feel awesome and happy and proud to be me!

13. Recognizing how far you still have to go. When you realize this, it’s because you can also see where you’re headed, it means you finally know where and who you want to be. This one is still hard for me to see most of the time. I made so much change in the last 3-3 1/2 years that I’m sure I haven’t yet fully seen/realized how far I’ve come. 

14. “Knowing” things you don’t want to know. Such as what someone is really feeling, or that a relationship isn’t going to last, or that you won’t be at your job much longer. A lot of “irrational” anxiety comes from subconsciously sensing something, yet not taking it seriously because it isn’t logical. This can also apply to not being sure you want to know things about yourself. Growth isn’t all sunshine and roses, it’s being in the dirt, getting mud in your face, and accepting, no, actually loving yourself exactly how you are in that moment, even if it’s not so pretty.

15. Having a radically intense desire to speak up for yourself. Becoming angry with how much you’ve let yourself be walked on, or how much you’ve let other people’s voices get into your head is a sign that you’re finally ready to stop listening, and love yourself by respecting yourself first. Yup, a fear of confrontation has kept me quiet a lot of my life. I’m still cautious and careful how I speak up for myself, but I speak up!

16. Realizing you are the only person responsible for your life, and your happiness. This kind of emotional autonomy is terrifying, because it means that if you mess up, it’s all on you. At the same time, realizing it is the only way to be truly free. The risk is worth the reward on this one, always. The freedom, the power and the empowerment that comes from being completely responsible for your own life and happiness is priceless and so awesomely liberating. Absolutely worth the risk for this kind of reward!

~namaste~