Getting Poked By My Dark Side!

So I last wrote this blog about embracing your dark side and I guess my dark side was listening because it came out to play and poke at me in the last week or so. Of course, what it looked like when my dark side poked me, was fear!

Some fears about success vs failure and what both of those look like to me came forth. Also included were fears about finances. I’m not in a bad place financially (thank the Gods & Goddesses), but so much of my belief system around success & failure is connected to money. There is a whole lot more tied into the fears that came forth, I don’t need to go into all the details in this blog.

You may be wondering what I am doing or did do about these fears. Well, I reached out to a mentor of mine as I know they have gone through some of what I fear and come out the other side happier, more balanced and have embraced and therefore changed their perspective on their similar fears.

My mentor and I talked briefly on the phone as to what I had reached out to them for, and then they sent me some homework to do around the issue(s). I did some introspection on 1) My beliefs around money. 2) My current relationship with money. 3) What are my needs, and what are my desires? 4) What are my fears? 5) What would a loving and empowered relationship with money look like?

Then I did more introspection around my work story. What is the valuable offering I am creating? And the big one for me – What would my work look like if I acted like I am and have enough? About a week later my mentor and I met on Skype for a video call and had a great discussion about my answers to those questions and anything else that popped up.

3 key things and one conformation came out of the call. It was also apparent that more work was necessary but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last couple of years it’s that this work (by that I mean personal growth) is seldom quick and easy, so that is not a fear for me.

So, the 3 key things: 1) Learning how to receive (and/or allow) money (and other things) into my life. I am very independent. I’m sure my closest friends can tell you how difficult it is for me to ask for help, or even to accept it when it’s offered without me asking. I’m working on that too. 🙂 In our discussion we talked about the difference between getting/making money and receiving/allowing it with an open heart. 2) My beliefs around success and failure. I’m going to be doing a deeper delving into where they came from, how true or not each one is for me – are any of them really true? And changing my perspective around them. What can I think/believe instead? Since I’ve done a lot of work on changing my perspective about a lot of my beliefs I know how to go about this. 3) Separating my personal value from my business success. I am NOT my business. I am worthy and successful just by being here as me. With my light AND my dark side.

The one conformation: You may have read my blog about my new program that I’m developing and it became very apparent in my Skype call with my mentor that this program is exactly right for me to be doing. I light up (they said) when I talk about it. I come from a place of personal experience with emotional eating, so I absolutely can relate to someone trying to or wanting to deal with it. I know what it takes to make the changes on the deepest subconscious level in order to become free. I know that it is not an easy or quick fix, that it is difficult and scary to face the issues and pain that come from emotional eating. My program will address the one issue that no diet in the world does – emotional eating and how to break free!

So here’s a couple of inspirational quotes that I hope resonate with you, as they do me. Ok, more than a couple 😉

fear, your largest... fear is the brains way... fear has 2 meanings fear and failure

 

Face Everything And Rise! Isn’t fear glorious? lol

Walking along the fear path is the surest way to the most worthwhile lessons and personal growth we can have, in my opinion.

An analogy that is very helpful in dealing with fear, anxiety or strong emotion at their height is the Wave Analogy. When you feel fear, or anxiety or experience other strong (maybe scary) emotions, picture yourself on a beach, feet bare, toes at the edge of the water and as the waves come in acknowledge that fear, anxiety or emotion. Don’t do anything with it. Just acknowledge it “oh hey, I’m feeling fear about X right now”. Then watch as the wave recedes, as it always does, and let it take away the fear, anxiety or emotion. The wave comes in and you acknowledge the fear, the wave recedes and takes the fear with it because you have acknowledged it and accepted it, knowing you don’t need to do anything with it. This takes practice and focus, like any new technique. Don’t imagine one wave coming and going and then it should all be gone. Sometimes it might take only a couple of minutes of imagining those waves before the fear, anxiety or emotion dissipates, other times it might take 20 minutes. Keep practicing, keep focusing. Then you can do the real and deep work necessary to change and grow.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

 

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Embracing your dark side

We all have one! Yes everyone! It’s great, easy and comfortable to believe we are only good, only have one side, but it’s not true. It’s lying and hiding from our full authentic messy, dirty, wonderful, amazing selves if we choose to believe otherwise, or choose to hide it from others. 

This past Saturday I went on the second of a series of Inspired Adventures on beautiful Bowen Island. The series is being led by a mentor of mine and an inspiration herself that you may have seen mentioned in a previous blog or two. Her name is Kiley and she is the creator and leader of this series and of the Vision Program that I took with her over a year ago. 

The first Inspired Adventure was back in Nov 2015 and was all about saying YES to life! I’ve certainly being doing that. Showing up for life no matter what it presents to me is a new and wonderful mantra I’ve been living by (ha, I mis-typed “living” as “loiving” – perhaps a wonderful slip that combines loving and living!). 🙂 So there was no hesitation for me to say YES to Kiley’s second Inspired Adventure – Embracing Your Dark Side. 

I love this quote that was shared as part of the work we did:

I am your shadow, your dark lady. I am your protectress. I am your warrioress. I am your deepest power. I am your fragility. I am all that you fear in yourself. I am here to show you the way to your own light. I am part of your light. I love you and am seeking you. I am here to be known by you. What you are seeking is wholeness. You are seeking me.  ~Nandi Hetenyl~

We started out by engaging in an awareness practice. It’s a little difficult to embrace your dark side if you’re not aware of what it looks like inside (and outside) of you. The first question we discussed and contemplated was “What does it mean to have a dark side?” My answer included that it is a part of being balanced and whole but that it wasn’t always easy. Another part that came forth is fear and shame, sometimes feeling both about that part of myself. I think most of us feel both those emotions when it comes to other people truly knowing us, and about truly accepting all of ourselves.

We also discussed and wrote about “What is your current relationship with your dark side?” and also “In what way does your dark side serve you?” For me it included avoidance and impacting the balance of me, and the balance of/in my life.

I’m not going to share the whole program here partly because it’s not my intellectual property and also because I don’t want to make this blog too long. The last part that I’d like to share is the benefits of embracing our dark side. Once we walk through the fear, once we move towards acceptance and also towards love of our dark side, a whole bunch of amazing things manifest in our lives. For example:

1) Freedom! Freedom to be at ease with ourselves in all situations. Freedom to be real.

2) Releasing Fear! When we release fear we blossom, we grow, we become real.

3) Regaining Energy! When you look at your dark side you realize how much energy it takes to keep that side hidden and pushed down, especially from ourselves. When we accept and integrate with our dark sides, when we love it as part of us our energy for other things, for life becomes almost boundless! It requires much less energy to be real.

4) Allowing of other peoples dark side! Like I said at the beginning, we ALL have one. When we’ve accepted and love our own it is easy to allow others to have their’s. To accept theirs without judgement and to love all parts of them.

5) We become real! This if my fave part, my fave benefit. It’s hard work, and often depressing to keep any part of ourselves hidden, especially from ourselves. We may tell ourselves, and it is partly true, that we are hiding for fear others won’t like our whole selves, but mostly we are hiding because we don’t like our whole selves. Somewhere at some point in our lives we were given the idea, directly or indirectly, that part of us, the dark side, was not likable, lovable or wanted. Over time we internalized that and believed it down to our soul. We believed that, from our own view and forgot that it was (most likely) someone else’s view/opinion that started that belief. We decided at some point that it was true even for ourselves. When we embrace our dark side, when we love it, and accept it and look at it without judgement THEN we become real in all our dirty, messy, glorious, beautiful selves!! We become truly free! 

2016-01-16 16.26.39

Come to the dark side, we have cookies! 😉

*The photo was taken by me. This is one of the spectacular views we had on Saturday as we hiked around Kilarney Lake on Bowen Island. The weather had started out pouring rain but by the time we started hiking it had stopped and the sun poking through the clouds and the mist playing at the edge of the water created this incredible view. I’m coming to love that island the more I visit it and could see myself living there.