A Difficult Decision

Hello all of my readers and followers. I haven’t written a post in a couple of months now, which saddens me, but life has been busy in a lovely way, which fills my heart with joy. I’m working full time in a job I love! With people that are great! It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this place and I’m just enjoying it all.

I’ve been through a lot of change and growth since I moved to Vancouver in August of 2011. Almost 6 years now! Every bit of it has been worth it. Every difficult, challenging experience; every happy time with friends and family; it’s all been worth it. I have learned and grown so much and never could have predicted this is how my life would be. A lot of my growth has been recorded for you and others to see/read here on my blog. I have loved sharing it all with you.

I still love to share my experiences and educate myself and others. I will never stop learning and growing. I truly believe that is what we are all here to do. Finding new ways to share my skills as a nutritionist and hypnotist is also exciting. Being able to do that in a way that is truly me, is even better!

I had planned on a series of blogs about eye health, as that’s where my energy is focused right now, and yet it wasn’t happening. I would plan and research and save materials for the topic but my heart wasn’t there to inspire me to write them. I know myself well enough to listen to my heart. To listen to my gut.

After a couple of weeks of deep thought and evaluating, I’ve made the decision to discontinue writing my blog. At least for the foreseeable future.  It’s been over 4 years and I’ve loved every blog I’ve written! I write that with the utmost sincerity; but it’s time to move on. Do something different, even though I don’t know what that is…yet. 🙂

I wish all of you the best and hope you all experience and grow the way you were meant to, this time around. Be open to opportunity, to change, to life! Learn, grow, feel, live in the moment, and remember to be kind. It costs us nothing and yet can have so much impact on others.

~Namaste~

 

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“16 Uncomfortable Feelings…” my take on a recent blog.

You may have seen that title recently flashing across your screen on social media sites or if you follow any blogs as it’s currently very popular, and there’s a reason for that. Maybe more than one reason. It’s a timely article for right now when most of us are looking to make changes. Changes that will help us grow as people and in our life goals and desires. I think that it is resonating with a great many people and people want to share what touches them. It’s also great because a lot of us also tend to give up or think we’re failing when change feels hard and uncomfortable, when really, as this article points out, this is actually a sign we’re on the right track. So let go, and flow with the uncomfortableness that the changes you’re making brings!

The writer of this article is Brianna Wiest. She writes on a blog called thought catalog. Her writing of the article that is the title of my blog can be found here: 16 Uncomfortable Feelings…, but I’m posting it in its entirety on my blog, so this will be a long post, but I really feel this article is relevant and inspiring. I’ll add a thought or comment relating to my own journey in italics at the end of each numbered paragraph.

1. Feeling as though you are reliving your childhood struggles. You find that you’re seeing issues you struggled with as a kid reappear in your adult life, and while on the surface this may seem like a matter of not having overcome them, it really means you are becoming conscious of why you think and feel, so you can change it. It was through re-looking at my childhood that I was able to make the changes I’ve made. It was worth every difficult moment.

2. Feeling “lost,” or directionless. Feeling lost is actually a sign you’re becoming more present in your life – you’re living less within the narratives and ideas that you premeditated, and more in the moment at hand. Until you’re used to this, it will feel as though you’re off track (you aren’t). There were definitely times I felt lost and overwhelmed and I’m sure there will be times in the future I feel that way again because I believe life is about changing and growing throughout my life. I won’t stop until I’m in the ground. 

3. “Left brain” fogginess. When you’re utilizing the right hemisphere more often (you’re becoming more intuitive, you’re dealing with emotions, you’re creating) sometimes it can seem as though “left brain” functions leave you feeling fuzzy. Things like focusing, organizing, remembering small details suddenly become difficult. There were days (successive days) where I felt very disorganized and had no energy/focus to do anything but let my subconscious brain process all that was going on. For the most part I was ok with this and made sure to take care of myself and be kind and gentle with myself. 

4. Having random influxes of irrational anger or sadness that intensify until you can’t ignore them anymore. When emotions erupt it’s usually because they’re “coming up” to be recognized, and our job is to learn to stop grappling with them or resisting them, and to simply become fully conscious of them (after that, we control them, not the opposite way around). This can be a difficult one for someone like me who doesn’t like anger or sadness. I’ve learned to go with them (for the most part – still some growth to happen here *smiles*). I’ve learned and am still learning how to express them productively, safely and without resistance. 

5. Experiencing unpredictable and scattered sleeping patterns. You’ll need to sleep a lot more or a lot less, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night because you can’t stop thinking about something, you find yourself full of energy or completely exhausted, and with little in-between. I definitely needed more sleep. During really intense times of processing I was napping every day and still sleeping 8 hrs per night. I was also dreaming a LOT, another way your subconscious processes and accepts change. 

6. A life-changing event is taking place, or just has. You suddenly having to move, getting divorced, losing a job, having a car break down, etc. I moved here from Ontario in August of 2011, left all my family behind, went back to school to start a new career and by March of 2012 I was feeling things coming forth, uncomfortable things, things that I knew I had to address and do the work necessary to grow within. I chose hypnosis as my vehicle to change as I knew that a) the change had to happen on the subconscious level to be permanent and b) the desire or need for that change was coming from my subconscious. 

7. Having an intense need to be alone. You’re suddenly disenchanted with the idea of spending every weekend out socializing, and other people’s problems are draining you more than they are intriguing you. This means you’re re-calibrating. I spent most of my time alone. Sometimes I wasn’t actually comfortable with that but I recognized that it was necessary for the shift to happen. I still had a social life but it was curtailed compared to what it is now. 

8. Intense, vivid dreaming that you almost always remember in detail. If dreams are how your subconscious mind communicates with you (or projects an image of your experience) then yours is definitely trying to say something. You’re having dreams at an intensity that you’ve never experienced before. I had the most amazing dreams, great fantastically detailed dreams that I either flowed in and out of all night long or had several different dreams each night. I am a Lucid dreamer and always have been, but holy cow did it ever ramp up when I was doing the most intense work.

9. Downsizing your friend group; feeling more and more uncomfortable around negative people. The thing about negative people is that they rarely realize they are negative, and because you feel uncomfortable saying anything (and you’re even more uncomfortable keeping that in your life) you’re ghosting a bit on old friends. I definitely shrunk my social circle. I have about 5 very close friends that I socialize with regularly. They are all positive, supportive people who also continue to grow and change.

10. Feeling like the dreams you had for your life are collapsing. What you do not realize at this moment is that it is making way for a reality better than you could have thought of, one that’s more aligned with who you are, not who you thought you would be. This can be another difficult feeling to handle. No one wants to feel their dreams about their life are collapsing. I have come to realize though that when one door closes it is most often because a better door is opening for me. 

11. Feeling as though your worst enemy are your thoughts. You’re beginning to realize that your thoughts do create your experience, and it’s often not until we’re pushed to our wit’s end that we even try to take control of them – and that’s when we realize that we were in control all along. As I processed all the stuff that came up that I needed to deal with, it was sometimes hard to keep a positive attitude but through that process I have learned just how much I can control, shape and create my own thoughts and thus control, shape and create my reality, my experiences, my life. 

12. Feeling unsure of who you really are. Your past illusions about who you ‘should’ be are dissolving. You feel unsure because it is uncertain! You’re in the process of evolving, and we don’t become uncertain when we change for the worse (we become angry and closed off). In other words: if what you’re experiencing is insecurity or uncertainty, it’s usually going to lead to something better. Boy did I feel unsure of who I was. I felt at times like I was someone totally different, someone I didn’t recognize, but gradually the real, authentic me was released from all those past illusions and man-oh-man do I feel awesome and happy and proud to be me!

13. Recognizing how far you still have to go. When you realize this, it’s because you can also see where you’re headed, it means you finally know where and who you want to be. This one is still hard for me to see most of the time. I made so much change in the last 3-3 1/2 years that I’m sure I haven’t yet fully seen/realized how far I’ve come. 

14. “Knowing” things you don’t want to know. Such as what someone is really feeling, or that a relationship isn’t going to last, or that you won’t be at your job much longer. A lot of “irrational” anxiety comes from subconsciously sensing something, yet not taking it seriously because it isn’t logical. This can also apply to not being sure you want to know things about yourself. Growth isn’t all sunshine and roses, it’s being in the dirt, getting mud in your face, and accepting, no, actually loving yourself exactly how you are in that moment, even if it’s not so pretty.

15. Having a radically intense desire to speak up for yourself. Becoming angry with how much you’ve let yourself be walked on, or how much you’ve let other people’s voices get into your head is a sign that you’re finally ready to stop listening, and love yourself by respecting yourself first. Yup, a fear of confrontation has kept me quiet a lot of my life. I’m still cautious and careful how I speak up for myself, but I speak up!

16. Realizing you are the only person responsible for your life, and your happiness. This kind of emotional autonomy is terrifying, because it means that if you mess up, it’s all on you. At the same time, realizing it is the only way to be truly free. The risk is worth the reward on this one, always. The freedom, the power and the empowerment that comes from being completely responsible for your own life and happiness is priceless and so awesomely liberating. Absolutely worth the risk for this kind of reward!

~namaste~

2015 in review and my 2016 wishes for you!

2015 has definitely been another year of transformation and growth for me. Before the year is up I’ll be looking back, re-reading blogs, posts on Facebook, and my journal to reflect and review a lot of what I’ve done in this past year. And of course I’m also putting into place the steps for my plans both personal and professional for 2016. I’m excited about both! One aspect as mentioned that is fun to look back at is my activity here on WordPress.

I love knowing that my words here are reaching a lot of people, and hopefully connecting with and inspiring at least some of those readers. I love knowing my blog is being shared by other bloggers to their readers and to friends and strangers alike.

I also love to hear from my readers on how my words have affected them. I read every comment I get and use your feedback to create future blogs and to do things better. I hope you will continue to comment and share with me. We all seek that connection with others.

I would be even more thrilled if you wanted to share your 2016 goals and aspirations with me, especially if they involve health and wellness, but really it’s ALL about wellness – mental, spiritual and physical, isn’t it?

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for my blog. It’s posted below.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,800 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 47 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Are you ready to make 2016 YOUR year of change? Your year of inspiration? Your year of amazing change?

For 2016 I wish this for all of you:

may the coming year

 

 

 

One door closes and a better one opens!

time for changeHello my wonderful followers! Once again life has thrown a curve ball my way. As you  might  remember I was working out of a clinic in North Vancouver that I helped get off  the ground. I  had a dream and plan in mind for how I would develop my skills and  grow my business/client  base in that space for however long it took me to do so. Sadly, and there is/was a great deal of sadness and grief that took place over making this decision, I recently decided that I had to change the direction of my path, my dream. Even though the title of this blog says “one door closes…” I left without closing any doors. Without burning any bridges, but it’s not entirely my choice. If someone on the other side of that bridge burns it, there is nothing I can do. In time perhaps communication with that one individual can re-open, if not I accept that.

Now I am going to be practicing from another clinic in North Vancouver and one in New Westminster, which is exciting because it means being able to reach a larger client base and that my existing clients have a choice of location. I know, as I do the same thing myself, that clients will follow me wherever I go (within geographical reason of course) but making it easier for them makes me happy and makes it easier for me too.

As to the other half of my blog title, I say “a better one opens”, not because the first one, this first clinic was bad. afraid of changeThat’s not what I mean. Things happen for a reason. Sometimes choices have to be made. I choose to believe that making this choice was necessary to lead me to something that is better for me. Something, some place that will lead me on the path I’m meant to be on, take me in the direction I’m meant to take in order to grow and learn and become the best me! The best me for me, the best me for my clients, the best me for my purpose in being here on this earth at this time, in this location.

exist to changeChange has always been more difficult for me than I realized on a conscious level. Now I am  much more aware of how change feels for me, and even though it is still difficult, in a lot of ways  it is easier to accept that I can’t control everything. That I can only control how I react to what is thrown my way. I strive to accept and adapt easily to change (like I mentioned in my last blog – to  adapt with grace), but it is an ongoing practice. I don’t like being stagnant. A friend recently said to me in a text – “You’re not a woman to be content with the status quo”. I’m not sure I entirely agree with her but I do know that I believe personal growth is meant to be an ongoing process and that is something I don’t like feeling like I’m stalled or stagnating in.

So life brings us choices, so we can take chances and that creates changes. I’ve made a choice to take a chance and step out in a way that was different than I thought was going to happen. That decision is creating changes for me.choices Changes that I feel very positive and yes, scared about. Excited and yet just a little bit anxious about. I also feel very much alive! 🙂 I’m looking forward to continuing on this journey, to continuing to change, to continue to learn to adapt and accept changes with more grace and ease. To sharing my journey with all of you, and all the new people that the universe is going to send my way. I hope they learn as much from me as I know I will learn from them.

~namaste~

 

 

Adapt, Adjust, Accept!

Well, life sure has a way of throwing challenges my way (and I’m sure yours too) when I least expect it! Recently it’s been about the 3 words in my title.

When something that I need to deal with comes forth from my subconscious mind I am a firm believer (through personal experience and education) that it has come forth because my subconscious has decided it is safe for me to do so. An important side point – your subconscious is the protective part of your mind. That is one of its main jobs. It won’t allow you to know or remember stuff on the conscious level unless it feels it is safe for you to do so. That is a simplified explanation but enough for the topic of this blog.

Knowing though that my subconscious mind has determined that I am now ready and able to safely deal with an issue, does not make it any easier to work through. Especially for someone like me that has difficulty with feeling a lack of control and thus also have a difficulty with adapting, adjusting and accepting to what comes forth in life or from my subconscious.

Part of my process for doing this work includes looking up the actual definitions of words. I know the definitions of the above words (and many other words that have come up as part of my personal growth work), but for some reason looking them up and reading those definitions seems to give me a visual and concrete place to start with doing the work.

I don’t do this with every word that comes up around change, but I do, do it frequently. After a week now of some heavy emotion going on, I realized that I haven’t yet looked up those 3 words. I have processed a lot and moved into doing what those words mean around this latest work but I think, for me, I do need to look them up now.

I also tend to focus on the part of the definition that I know pertains to the work I am doing (I trust my instinct, my gut here). I also find that it is often the synonyms that help me the most.

So, to start:

a·dapt
əˈdapt/Submit
verb

become adjusted to new conditions.
synonyms: adjust to, acclimatize oneself to, acclimate to, accommodate oneself to, attune to, conform to, habituate oneself to, become habituated to, get used to, orient oneself in, reconcile oneself to, come to terms with, get one’s bearings in, find one’s feet in, acculturate to, assimilate to, blend in to, fit in to

*several of those synonyms strike a cord with me, and I will use them to do this work. Notice that adjust is one of the synonyms for adapt.

ad·just
əˈjəst/Submit
verb

alter (or move [something]) slightly in order to achieve the desired fit, appearance, or result.
synonyms: modify, alter, regulate, tune, fine-tune, calibrate, balance; adapt, arrange, rearrange, change, rejig, rework, revamp, remodel, reshape, convert, tailor, improve, enhance, customize; repair, fix, correct, rectify, overhaul, put right; tweak.

*quite similar to adapt but enough differences to give me more information (notice that adapt is one of the synonyms for adjust). I’m a woman who is all for more information!

ac·cept
əkˈsept/
verb
2.
believe or come to recognize (an opinion, explanation, etc.) as valid or correct.
synonyms: believe, regard as true, give credence to, credit, trust; swallow, recognized, acknowledged, established, traditional, orthodox, sanctioned; usual, customary, habitual, common, current, normal, general, prevailing, accustomed, familiar, wonted, popular, well established, expected, routine, standard, stock

*again quite a few of these synonyms resonate with me. Also of note for me is the use of the word valid in the bolded text. For me valid doesn’t mean that you agree with something only that you can see/accept the validity of it.

My point with this blog is to a) help myself with where I at in some personal work. b) show my readers some of that real me so you know you are not alone if you are struggling with something, and c) to hopefully help someone in whatever way is right for them to receive help right now.

Being able to adapt, adjust and accept changes in life is something we all have to do. Doing so with grace and ease is my goal. Certainly not without feeling, or effort, but with grace as well. I’ve come a long way towards that and I have to make sure to recognize and give myself credit for that growth while continuing to grow. Please make sure that you do the same with/for yourself when you take steps, however small, towards personal growth. It’s not easy, but then as cliche as it sounds, nothing worth having ever is. 🙂

I also have become more aware at a faster speed each time people or situations trigger me into that hackles raised reaction. Sometimes that works better than others, but each time I do recognize it that increases my ability to adapt, adjust and accept the next similar situation that arises even quicker and with more grace and ease.

Being able to adapt, adjust and accept has another unexpected affect of enabling me to better speak up for myself and express my feelings or opinions in more productive and constructive ways.

Growth – so challenging, so worth it.

Have a great day!

 

 

Getting personal…

So I’ve made a commitment to bringing my personal story to my blog but I must admit I’m struggling with where to start.

In a discussion I was having with my Naturopath about this, I mentioned that I am actually way more of a private person than I thought I was. Yet sharing my personal growth is the right thing to do. I know in my heart that this is a good thing, for me and for my readers.

Humans are story tellers. Before the written word stories of our history, our families, our experiences were verbally told and passed down from person to person. People want to know how others do things, how they handle life, how they grow and change with all that life throws at us. I want to be a story teller! It is part of my most basic nature to want to help others, and what better way to do so than to share my personal experiences?

If you look at the kinds of things you read, watch (on tv etc) or see happening around you, don’t you learn the most from the things that happen to people you know and to yourself? Don’t you want to hear the true stories of others?

Going back to me finding this hard to do, it is not just about sharing some deep parts of me, it actually is more about not knowing where to start. You might say “Well Valerie, just start at the beginning!” Yet where is the beginning? I’ve been working on personal growth intensely for the last 2-3 years, since I moved to Vancouver, BC; but I have also done a lot of growth in the 4-5 years beforehand too. So where do I start? I am even contemplating working backwards, but I’m not sold on that. I’d like to be able to show all of you how one step has led to the next.

Let’s get started! I did post an “about me” as one of my first blogs that tells how I got to where I became an R.H.N. (Registered Holistic Nutritionist), so I’m going to start there again. I’ve had my issues with food and weight and emotional eating and have been seeking solutions all my adult life. I’m also a big believer in prevention and cure through natural and alternative methods. I struggled to overcome the belief that “modern medicine” was the only way to go. That’s what I was brought up with.

What has led me to so much desire for personal growth though is the belief deep deep inside me that I was and could be more, that I could be authentically me! That there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and that I should be me. Why would I try to be anyone else?

Here’s where I really start getting personal. I grew up the youngest of 6 in an alcoholic dysfunctional home. There was physical and verbal abuse. I am not looking for sympathy. I know others have grown up in homes that were far worse, yet we all know that our experiences shape us, and are completely the be all and end all while we are living them (at the very least).  I also know that the experience was different for each one of my siblings and I.

I learned a lot of things in that atmosphere. I learned to hide. Hide who I was, hide physically and to escape mentally. I am only now at the age of 50 discovering some of what I hid from and what I hid about my authentic self – which sadly was a lot. Growing up in that kind of home created a lot of fear for me. The subconscious is the most powerful part of your brain and will protect you from things that it doesn’t think you can handle. For example I’ve only recently – within the last week, learned that something I’ve known about in small detail all my life was actually what turned my whole life upside down when I was not quite 5 years old. How’s that for a holy crap moment?? Lol

I think this is a good place to stop for now. I have been working for the last 6-8 years to discover, redo, undo, reprogram, learn, grow and move forward in my growth, life and mind, body, spirit wellness. I keep saying and 100% mean and believe that it is all worth it! As I bring more of my story forward to you I hope you will find it so and that you will be inspired to never stop growing, learning and moving forward. I am living happily in the present , excited about my future, and letting my past go, all at once. No wonder life seems hectic sometimes. 🙂

I’ll leave you with one of my fave quotes:

“Make a pledge to yourself right now, to declare that you are worth your time and energy.”

― Deborah Day